Tuesday, November 3, 2015

When Mom Is Away...The Kids Will Play

It's a rare occurrence for my wife to get a little time away from the house and kids...and hubby. It's extremely rare for it to be an overnight getaway to another town. The stars must be in perfect alignment because she is getting that chance this week. Granted it will only be for about 24 hours, but it's 24 hours that are well deserved. Although she will be attending a conference for work, I'm hoping she takes advantage of the night at the hotel. In my mind, she'll be lounging in her pj's in her hotel room with a glass of wine and watching some tv show she hasn't gotten to see in ages. In her mind though, she's probably just looking forward to not having housework, screaming kids or spectators while going to the bathroom. I wouldn't put it past her to just go to sleep early and enjoy the peace and quiet...like she used to about, oh, seven years ago.

Back on the home front though, it will be a much different story. Leaving me alone to supervise our kids is only slightly better than leaving the kids alone to supervise me. Much fun will be had. We have a 24 hour window to get a few things out of our system....hopefully without burning the house to the ground. Although....we have talked about doing some remodeling.

I wouldn't be a good father if I didn't make sure we had at least a little structure to our schedule, so I put a little thought into the pre-planning of this 24 hour event. I have devised the following list of challenges to help us make the most of our Daddy-Daughters bonding time:

Dirty Dish Challenge
This challenge is one I was very proficient at during my days as a bachelor. It basically involves seeing how many meals you can eat without having to wash any dishes. Since we only have 24 hours, I have modified this event to see how many dishes we can dirty in 24 hours. I have a feeling my girls will give me a run for my money in this event because we seem to accumulate 20+ dirty dishes after our ten minute rush to eat breakfast on weekday mornings. My only possible redeeming factor in this challenge may be my ability to utilize three times the amount of pots, pans and cooking utensils needed to prepare any given meal.

Laundry Pile Challenge
Knowing my wife will probably have all the laundry in our house washed, dried and folded before she leaves (Yes. She's that awesome...or OCD...or something.), this event truly will be a challenge. The only rule is to see who can fill their hamper full of dirty laundry quicker - me or the girls. You may think it's an unfair advantage because my clothes are bigger than theirs and will fill up the hamper more quickly, but I think they may take this event. For starters, there are two of them and only one of me. The other advantage they have is that I've never seen them eat anything without spilling on their clothes. (I mean ANYTHING. They can't chew gum without somehow drooling on themselves or getting it stuck to their shirt.)

Belching Challenge
I have to be honest on this challenge. The real reason we're holding this event in Mom's absence is because it's the only time one of us would actually have a chance of winning. It wouldn't even be a fair challenge for us to go up against Mom in this event. She is the undisputed reigning belching champ in our household. As a matter or fact, she could probably phone in her submission to the challenge and still beat us. Hopefully she won't read this until she's back and won't be able to enter her belching submission.

Hide the Carpet Challenge
This challenge is pretty much a no-brainer. It is merely a guide for us to know just how much fun we're having in general. To me, the less carpet you can see because it's covered with toys is a direct indicator of how much fun has been had. You can correct me if I'm wrong, but think about the good parties you've had. Did you have to clean up afterwards? If not, how much fun was really had at that party? Remember, Mom's 24 hour hiatus isn't just a part for her. It's a chance for us kids...I mean, my kids to cut loose.

Clean-up Challenge
This final challenge is a necessary evil. I am confident that after successfully completing the previous challenges, we will certainly need perform well in this last four part challenge. I have not yet decided if this will be setup as an individual, team or relay event. All I know is that if we don't complete the "Wash Dishes, Pickup Laundry (at least), Stop Belching and Find the Carpet" challenges, we will be in for a world of hurt. None of us wants to attempt the "Who can run faster than Mom?" challenge.

If all goes well, we will have a lot of fun while Mom gets to relax for at least one night in this decade. I know that relaxation on her part will be for naught if she comes home to a house burning to the ground. If for some reason you never see another average jester blog post appear on my page, you'll know it didn't end well when Mom got home. Until next time....    (hopefully)