Saturday, May 7, 2016

Mother's Day Eve


For those of you completely unaware, Mother's Day is this weekend. If you haven't already planned something spectacular for your mom and/or the mother of your children, you better get on it. I am testing a new plan I call "Mother's Day Eve" to help ensure a successful Mother's Day.

This involves preparation around our house the day prior to Mother's Day to make sure my wife is completely wowed by my inadequate planning for the actual day of honor. Although this is my first year to attempt the Mother's Day Eve method, but I am fairly certain it will work out as planned. Here's what I did this year:

Step 1 - Leave wife home alone with kids
My Mother's Day Eve plan technically started Friday night. To really make the plan work, you have to make some sacrifices. My sacrifice involved hanging out with buddies, having a few beers and playing a few rounds of bean bag toss. (My team lost in the final round.)

The reason this step is so critical is because it properly prepares my wife and kids for Mother's Day Eve. Historically, whenever I spend the evening out of the house, my girls choose that night to fight bed time, constantly bicker with each other and basically push their mom's buttons. This leaves my wife and girls tired, cranky and generally miserable the following day.

Step 2 - Get the kids' helpYou're probably wondering why it's so important to ensure the wife and kids are cranky and miserable, but we'll get to that later. The key is that it is an integral part of the overall plan.

Kids are not always cooperative...at least that's what I've found. If I were to ask them to help me with my brilliant plan, they would find some reason not to go along with it. And considering it's a mildly sketchy plan, I probably shouldn't overtly ask for their assistance. Considering my kids are the reason my wife is mother in the first place though, it's natural to involve them.

Step 3 - Make it look goodI spent a large portion of the day outside with my girls. We went to the park, worked on getting the garden setup for the year....basically anything that will keep them outside in the fresh air and wear them out.

It looks good to my wife because she can get a few things done around the house without "help" from our daughters. The real benefits of this are two-fold. First, my wife is reminded of all the things she does around the house for our family because she actually has a few minutes to do some of them. Second, my girls begin to transition from tired and cranky to over-tired and possessed. This is the first step my girls take on the path to total meltdown.

Step 4 - Sit back and watchAfter the relatively easy steps 1-3, it's pretty much just a matter of time before everything falls into place. (Some might refer to this as "falling apart.") Supper time was when the meltdown started. Since it's part of the plan, I let my wife deal with it while I went back outside and worked in the garden.

Now, you're probably thinking I'm just a big jerk and a lousy husband, but that's not really true. I really do have my wife's best interest in mind as I follow this plan.

By arranging for my wife to have a miserable day on Mother's Day Eve, I am ensuring that Mother's Day will look like the greatest day she's had in ages. Even with my less than stellar plans for Mother's Day, I am fairly certain it will be a success.

The girls both crashed out hard core right after bath time. They will be well rested and in top form tomorrow for Mother's Day. My wife will be able to relax a little bit because she got so much crossed off her to-do list today. The icing on the cake is that I get to grill-out and my wife sees that as me making dinner. It's a win-win situation.

For the record, a plan that does not typically work is boycotting Mother's Day because "you feel it's unfair to only show appreciation to Moms on one day of the year." The same thing applies for Valentine's Day.

No matter how you plan to show appreciation for the moms in your life, just be sure to do something. You don't need an elaborate (poorly researched) plan like mine. You could use a one of the classics like breakfast in bed or giving them a day off from chores and other household duties. Thanking them and telling them you love them is always a good starting point too.

In reality, there's no perfect plan because anything you come up with will fall short of what they actually deserve. I still don't know how my own mom did it or how my wife does it for our family. My wife has the added duty of her 41 year old kid (Me) that she's had to take care of since before she was actually a mom. I'm probably the neediest too.

In any event and regardless of how my plan plays out, Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. I will tell my wife tomorrow. I don't want to ruin all the work I put into making Mother's Day Eve appear to be a miserable day. Until next time....