Friday, August 19, 2016

Race to Space

Most of you probably aren't aware of this, but my personal time is extremely valuable. I am very careful to spend my time on tasks of only the utmost importance. That is why I have set some time aside this evening to create this online resume and formally submit it for one of the last remaining positions at Life Explained: Deep Space Colonization Department.

I should probably fill you in on this as it's quite possible you've never heard about this opportunity before. This is a leading edge exploratory adventure being lead by some blogger guy (not me - the other one) and apparently a dog. This mission has been so closely guarded and cloaked in secrecy that it has barely made a blip in the media. To learn more about this opportunity, feel free to check out the original online application sites HERE and HERE

This post will hereby serve as my formal application for one of the extremely limited and highly sought after positions at Life Explained: Deep Space Colonization Department.

Name: Jesse Zahrt
AKA: average jester ("Average" doesn't mean I can't shoot for extraordinary.) 
Age: Aged to perfection. Old enough to know better, but still young enough to try.
Education: Bachelor of Science from the School of Life with a minor in Learning Things The Hard Way. 
Burrito Preference: The potato burrito is my favorite, but I have been know to enjoy just about any frozen gas station burrito equally. 

Special Skills:

Gives 120% (about 83% of the time)Some may refer to this as average, but I like to look at it as a balance between over-eagerness and laziness. I make sure I have enough motivation and drive to get the ball rolling, but I am smart enough to know when to just sit back and watch it roll down the hill. 

Multi-tasking MasterIf you took the time to read the explanatory links above, you will know that two requests were made. One was a request for applications. The other was a request for logo design. I am completely nailing both requests in true multi-tasking form with this post. By that I mean I am doing two things at once. Well, kind of. 

As with many multi-taskers, I did a mediocre job of two tasks rather than doing a great job on each - one at a time. I didn't submit my resume in the manner requested and (technically) I created a banner or possible billboard design rather than a logo. I'm not worried though because I realize the position has probably already been filled. 

Excellent Report WriterAs with any scientific exploration, the reports are all that anyone really cares about. Even though I am incredibly humble, I have to say that I have this part in the bag. I can write a report like nobody's business. You need 1000 words describing the daily activities and discoveries? No problem. I could write more than 1000 words without even having a topic. (Note to management: Get more black markers. A lot of what I write will probably have to be redacted because I tend to go off on tangents.) 

Easily AmusedBoredom is not a problem for me. I'm about as easy to amuse as anyone you've ever met so no worries about me falling asleep on the job. Something as simple as the wind changing direction will peak my curiosity. (I would even be willing to write a report on the wind if needed.)

GhosterificI realize the request for application specifically wanted to know what I would do if I met a ghost. I'm torn on this as I have never encountered a ghost. I know I would be amused (see previous paragraph) and would write at great length about the encounter (see two paragraphs back). I'm sure there would be a mixture of emotions felt at once like fear, excitement and curiosity (see three paragraphs back). At least I'm 99.6% sure that's how I would react (fine- see four paragraphs - technically five - back). 

You'd have to be crazy to hire me for this position at Life Explained: Deep Space Colonization Department. Yes, I said that right and I'm counting on it. It sounds like a crazy position in a crazy adventure lead by a crazy guy (and a completely sane dog). What can I lose?

If anyone is willing to act as a reference for me in this position, please state your willingness in the comments. Until next time....

PS - I just wanted to make sure that I gave proper credit to the originator of this outstanding company, Tim Clark. I think you could have figured that out from the links above, but I'm not taking any chances. It sounds like some other blogger is already suing him for something and I don't want Tim to sue me to pay for his own lawsuit.