Friday, August 12, 2016

The Average Workout

I get inspired by many things in life. Some of them stick with me while others are a fleeting fancy that disappear as fast as an ice cream sandwich in my hand. Most of this inspiration comes from things I see because I am a very visual person.

Exercise has long been a struggle for me because I never enjoyed it, and more importantly, rarely stick with it long enough to notice the benefits. Certainly not in recent years anyway. Between the Olympics being on tv, my wife constantly exercising and some bloggers I follow posting tips, I figured I better get on board. Because of this, I decided to write a post outlining "The Average (Jester) Workout."

I'm going to start out small with this first ever exercise tip here on average jester. You may recognize the format as completely plagiarizing Jeremy Crow, but don't blame him for this post. (I would recommend checking out his page if you're farther ahead in your exercise routine than me.) I know I have to hit the ground running walking....just like with my blogging I am starting with a fairly remedial exercise tip.

With some exercises, it's hard to relate the repetitions of a particular exercise to the benefits they provide in every day life. This tip is not one of them. The result of properly executing this exercise is directly proportional to the level of enjoyment in your tv watching experience.

We've all been there. After hours of binge watching Netflix, the screen pauses and asks if you're still there. At this point, you must locate, retrieve and then use your remote to continue your binge. This simple exercise will not only help you successfully manage this task with ease, but also (possibly, but probably not) help you prevent a back injury. Here's the tip for today:

"The Balanced Remote Lift"

"Muscles" Worked: Many would think this exercise would work your biceps or one of those other arm muscles that I don't know the name of, but that's not where the real value of this exercise is. This exercise benefits both the heart and brain. Your blood pressure will drop while enjoying your shows and your brain can relax into a blissful state of escapism. (Author's note: I'm not a physician and I think the opposite is actually true...but where's the fun in that??)

Starting Position: Technically, the starting position would be laying on your back on the couch, probably with one leg kicked over the side and a bag of Cheetos resting on your belly. Don't panic, but you will need to set the snacks aside and rotate your body to an armrest-viewing position in order to begin the exercise routine.

  • Wedge your left foot into the couch cushion to provide leverage.
  • Grip the arm of the couch with your left hand to add stability.
  • Plant your left foot firmly on the ground to prevent any rolling toward the floor.
  • Keep your right arm and hand relaxed and hanging.
  • Drop your head slightly to improve visibility of the remote on the floor.


  • Slowly extend your right hand towards the remote on the floor. 
  • In a smooth, fluid motion, grasp the remote in your right hand and pull it back toward the center of your chest. 
  • (Note that reversing this motion will return the remote to the floor where you can do your second repetition a few hours later when Netflix locks up again.)
  • Return to a resting state on the couch.

Key Points:

  • Maintain a steady position over the couch without allowing your center of balance to cross too far over the living room floor or you might fall off the couch.
  • Do not grasp the remote too tightly or you could damage it and ruin future workout opportunities. 
  • Lift with your back - not your legs. Every time I tried doing this by lifting with my legs, I ended up slamming my face into the arm of the couch.
  • If you feel you are having to do numerous reps, you should have someone else help you in selecting a show to watch because clearly you can't make up your mind. 
If you have any further pointers on this exercise, I am always willing to field feedback that may benefit my workout routine. Remember, this exercise is not for everyone. I wanted to start you out with something that nearly everyone is capable of performing.

Once you feel comfortable with this, I would recommend one of my more advanced routines. Perhaps a little insight into how I transitioned from 12oz beer can curls to 16oz. I should tell you it is quite effective. It is actually possible to transform your six-pack abs to a keg in just a few months with this routine. It's not for the faint of heart though.

I will leave you with this tonight. My Netflix has paused and the remote is on the other side of the room. This is unfortunately a scenario I did not address in the steps above. I hope you can forgive me for that oversight. I will better prepare the workout area in the future. Until next time....