Saturday, October 8, 2016

A Fallsome Day


Words play a big part in our everyday life. It's very difficult to make it through an entire day without having to read, write and/or speak at some point. In fact, it takes up a large part of our day. Even though we use words so much, we still seem to struggle with them. I'm not going to get into grammar examples like "there, their and there" or even get into the debate about the evening meal being called supper or dinner. Instead, I am going to tackle a much more pressing issue that is currently on the rise right now: Fall vs. Autumn

My education in the area of the proper use of words started at a very young age. Less than 48 hours old to be more precise. As legend tells it, my dad and mom loaded me into the family vehicle to take me home from the hospital for the first time. My mom said, "Well Jesse,  you're about to have your first ride in a car." To which my dad replied, "It's an automobile." From that moment on, I have devoted my life to saying things with the most syllables possible. When complex words escape me, I just use a lot more simple words. 

The seasons are clearly changing here in southern Minnesota. The colors are bright and vibrant, the temperatures and leaves are starting to fall...basically, it's beautiful outside. Because words like pretty, colorful, beautiful and vibrant are overused, I have taken it upon myself to come up with better words. 

If I was a lazy man (which I'm not and there's proof in a recent POST if you don't believe me), I would have settled for what we have to work with today. I even thought about switching over to "Autumn" instead of "Fall" because it sounds more sophisticated. Just compare the "first day of Fall" to the "Autumnal Equinox." Or, even just hearing someone say "look at all the autumnal colors" makes you feel like your walking down the campus mall of some Ivy League school....but I won't settle for that. 

"Fall" has real meaning to me. As a kid, I could easily remember the name of the season because the leaves fall in Fall. Now that I'm older, I have different reasons for wanting to use the word Fall. Fall has a negative connotation and I think it's fitting - even if only to warn us of the impending doom of Winter. 

Think about it for a minute. From the fall of man in the earliest days or our existence here on Earth, fall has been bad. We fall learning to walk or ride a bike. We fall in love. (Technically that's only bad until the last time.) We fall out of trees and off of roofs. To me, Autumn is beautiful, but Fall is something to be feared. 

Not only does falling leaves mean we have to rake up a bunch of fallen leaves, it also means the real problem season of Winter is just around the corner. That wasn't such a bad thing when I lived in Texas, but living in Minnesota is an entirely different animal. 

Because of the importance of highlighting the dangers of Fall while still appreciating the visual beauty of it, I am going to propose we start using a few new words:

Fallsome: "It's such a fallsome day out." It's a single word that encompasses both the awesome beauty you see and the impending doom of colder weather. It is the root word for the following variations: 

Falltastic: You step out side and see a yard covered in leaves and say, "Well that's just falltastic." This word is best used in a heavily sarcastic tone. It's fantastic that the kids can run and jump in the leaves, but I know I wont be able to walk right for two days after raking them up. 

Fallscinating: A useful variation of the word fascinating. Once again, at face value the autumnal colors are beautiful, but you know they mean hard work is in your near future. 

Fallacy: Ok. I didn't make this one up, but it is very useful. This is the word you use to describe your thoughts about how "maybe the leaves will all blow into my neighbor's yard" when in fact you know theirs will blow into your yard. 

I hope you find these new words useful. I expect to see a liberal use of them during the next few months. Oh - who am I kidding? I won't hear anything. I'm going to be locked up in my basement bunker until Spring arrives. Until next time....